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| brand positioning, magazine, stand up ny, drunk moms, college drunk girl, robbedby bank of america, mom fucking son, hairy, momand son, product, momby, easydrunk girl, mcsweeney's, rage, muse.hysteria, viagrajokes, | Quite rightly people were also shocked when I showed them the egm newspaper cuttings of the 9” scare across Mr. O’Brian’s head from the time when I attempted to remove his brain with a ladle whilst singing the wrong words to that song from egm “Interview with a Blacksheep”. I was being ignorant and it was actually a song from Interview with a Vampire, a film I egm really wanted for Christmas but everyone in the office laughed and said it was just childhood bad taste. That’s when I lost it and gave my boss a near death experience when I told him about my premonition a movie star dragon fiercely hording a pile of obscure memorabilia.The fact I am telling these stories must be evidence I am getting old. This one time when on the worst date ever I pretended I was an ex-gigolo just to get laid. |
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| I gave her a crappy prize in an attempt to stop this wired tradition, that’s when I knew it was over as she demanded I attend her wedding to this stupid tourist she met. I don’t blame her though as he turned out to be a hidden treasure expert, mom fucking son but there was no need for the time he got drunk and bought her that psychotic puppy.The best bit was being forced to meet his parents who turned out to mom fucking son be a pair of jobsworth parking inspectors who mom fucking son sabotage meters and skive of work to have great holidays that always seem to end with someone crying! I must admit my guilty pleasure out of shouting “I just don’t get it” numerous times during the best man speech whilst listening to my walkman and telling anyone who would listen about the beautiful moment when I lost my anal virginity to Richard O’Brian. “That’s my claim to fame” I would tell them, whilst explaining that it was the little things like his harmonica playing that turned me on. |
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