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gave me a ten-dollar bill and told me to get movies of mature women lost before I embarrassed her, like I did last year when I got drunk and tried choking my mother-in-law. Ten movies of mature women bones not only buys a full-price movie ticket, it also buys a bag of the popcorn. So, as my wife and her family stuffed themselves with turkey, vomited my mother-in-law's "mashed potato surprise!," got tipsy and fought over who was treated best as a kid, I hid out in the theater by movies of mature women my lonesome, having the same dinner the Peanuts kids ate. The theaters were mostly empty on Thanksgiving day until about five p.m. and I had no trouble fitting in a double feature. It was me, a bunch of other loser men, single dads with their kids, and some foreigners who don't have a God damn thing to be thankful for.
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